On October 11 I arrived to Penn Station via Acela from Boston. It was an eerie feeling. As I was hit by large marble-sized hail while waiting for a cab, I thought to myself that it was a sign that I was in a bad place. Even though I considered it home, the last time I had set foot in Manhattan was late June. The weather was beautiful at that time, but the circumstances made it so I couldn’t enjoy the summer there. I was sick and in an abusive situation. I walked around in a haze. I could barely walk one block and rarely left my apartment. I went away as a last resort to fix myself.
As much as the people of NYC say that it’s the best place on earth it has many downfalls, the people in itself for one. They get competitive over things that it’s not even worth getting competitive over. I remember a few years back, being at work on Madison Ave. and a woman who knew me in passing asked me what I did over the weekend. I happened to have gone to Miami so I told her. Her response was, “Well, I just got back from doing charity work in INDIA!” I’m tired of being one-upped on everything.
Or there’s the over emphasis on old money. People always manage to slip in a question about what your parents/family did. My father designed government buildings and that was never a good enough. I would have been better off to come from an old money family even if their money was gone.
And I can’t tell you how many times my “good friends” have been photographed at parties hanging out with my ex’s because they get them into events and night clubs. It pisses me off that loyalty lies with these people who clearly don’t deserve it.
As my time in treatment ended I found myself dreading the returning to what I had left. I looked into houses in other cities and enrolling in school, and made a decision. So I returned to Manhattan for a little less than 24 hours last week to get the rest of my belongings and dog. Had steak tartare and pate one last time at my favorite restaurant Orsay, and left. Part of me felt like I was moving on, and the other part felt like I really failed in a city that I once really loved.
Anyway, hello Vegas.