My Last 18 Months That Turned Into Hell

May 22, 2010 at 3:41 am (New York, personal)

This is what I’ve been dealing with lately.  I’ve been too embarrassed to talk about it.  I cared and still care about this person very much and this person demoralizes me.   Takes shots at me over my former career.  Tells me I’m stupid, a whore, a dumb cunt and others I can’t think of right now.  Goes through a list of girls he’s been with that are “better” than me.  He’s done this in front of friends, family members.   He has the most wonderful mother who I love.  It’s sad.

He threatens me not to tell anyone saying he’s a “private person.”   BUT there is tons of stuff written about this person on the internet.  I don’t think it’s so much that he’s private but more so embarrassed by his actions.  What do you guys think?

I read this online, it’s all in there:

The following is a list of warning signs for potentially abusive relationships. They are presented as guidelines and cues to pay attention to, not as judgments on the worth of the other person.

Question relationships with partners who:

  • Abuse alcohol or other drugs.
  • Have a history of trouble with the law, get into fights, or break and destroy property.
  • Don’t work or go to school.
  • Blame you for how they treat you, or for anything bad that happens.
  • Abuse siblings, other family members, children or pets.
  • Put down people, including your family and friends, or call them names.
  • Are always angry at someone or something.
  • Try to isolate you and control whom you see or where you go.
  • Nag you or force you to be sexual when you don’t want to be.
  • Cheat on you or have lots of partners.
  • Are physically rough with you (push, shove, pull, yank, squeeze, restrain).
  • Take your money or take advantage of you in other ways.
  • Accuse you of flirting or “coming on” to others or accuse you of cheating on them.
  • Don’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings. . .things always have to be done their way.
  • Ignore you, give you the silent treatment, or hang up on you.
  • Lie to you, don’t show up for dates, maybe even disappear for days.
  • Make vulgar comments about others in your presence
  • Blame all arguments and problems on you.
  • Tell you how to dress or act.
  • Threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them, or tell you that they cannot live without you.
  • Experience extreme mood swings. . .tell you you’re the greatest one minute and rip you apart the next minute.
  • Tell you to shut up or tell you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or call you some other name (directly or indirectly).
  • Compare you to former partners.
  • Some other cues that might indicate an abusive relationship might include:

  • You feel afraid to break up with them.
  • You feel tied down, feel like you have to check-in.
  • You feel afraid to make decisions or bring up certain subjects so that the other person won’t get mad.
  • You tell yourself that if you just try harder and love your partner enough that everything will be just fine.
  • You find yourself crying a lot, being depressed or unhappy.
  • You find yourself worrying and obsessing about how to please your partner and keep them happy.
  • You find the physical or emotional abuse getting worse over time.
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    8 Comments

    1. Vinoman said,

      Please girl get out now & don’t look back! don’t try & rationlize staying with him i’ve seen it too many times with too many friends! GET OUT NOW!!!!!!

    2. Jap said,

      What a situation…!

    3. john said,

      I will fight whoever is harrassing you. I will FIGHT him.

    4. heatherpinknyla said,

      Thanks John.

    5. heatherpinknyla said,

      As I was saying, thanks, but keep it legal

    6. former cop said,

      Hmmmm, kinda sounds like a typical family gathering during the holidays. Most busiest days of the year for cops. Honey, most people are just assholess, learn to live alone.

    7. Philip said,

      Heather, I don’t know anything about you other than what I have read today. But I wanted to say: don’t accept ANY kind of abuse including put-downs and avoid negative/toxic people. Focus on what you would like to achieve and leave behind the negativity of the past. You come across as an intelligent woman, and I am sure you will get through this difficult time. Best wishes.

    8. Old friend said,

      You’re a very good writer. I’m happy to hear your health has improved and you have changed your life style. Still have very fond memories of our meetings. Hope life is treating you well. You deserve only good things.

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